Conquering the Obnoxious

I’ve been talking about what to do when someone asks you to crochet something for them...
how do you ask for compensation and get what you are worth,
are there times when should you do it for free,

Now I’ll deal with those folks we would rather not talk to at all.

Someone once complained that her cousin was so selfish that she demanded the crocheter 'invest in a pattern, so it could be made for the cousin free of charge'...

ok, so these types of folks really do need a whack upside the head, or a reality check at the very least.

However, if one of my cousins had demanded I buy an expensive pattern and make the project for them... I would be tempted to make the very thing she asked for and donate it to the auction at our family reunion.

I would make a big deal of asking her, 'is this what you wanted?' and gleefully explain that it is my donation to the auction... that way, if she truly wants it, she will have to bid on it.

If it is truly stunning piece, others will run the bid up... if no one but her wants it, I'd run the bid up, and back out when you get her to her top bid.

No, I haven't had to deal with cousins like her... ;-)

Yes, this is Passive-Aggressive at its worst, but these types of people can’t be dealt with rationally or logically.

If your family doesn’t have an auction at their reunion, you can donate your piece to another charity auction.

Tell the obnoxious cousin that you thought the piece was so nice, and could truly be a big money maker for your chosen charity. Thank her profusely for convincing you to buy the pattern and work it up, and include the date the bidding closes, so she could bid on it, too!

Hopefully, she will get the idea that she was was rude and hateful for making such a demand... unless she is a true narcissist, and believes you owe her that project, because she is so special in this world... in which case... I would just walk away. You truly cannot reason with a narcissist. I digress.

I’ve heard more folks say that no matter what technique they used, they still had one person who persisted in wanting the crocheter to do a project completely for free-they won’t even pay for the yarn. I've had customers like this at craft shows.

These kinds of people like to use guilt trips:

• this is stress management for you
• this is a hobby
• you do this while watching tv
• I’m an important person in your life {hack cough, choke and puke... since when?! is the typical answer to this ploy}

For those folks, I offer to teach them to crochet, after all:

• this could be stress management for you
• this could be a hobby for you
• you could do this while watching tv
• I’m an important person in your life, & I’ll graciously and generously teach how you to crochet.

And then I have fun {she says maliciously grinning.}
I thrust yarn and a hook into their hands and 'genuinely' show them how to crochet.
After twenty minutes of them fumbling around, while I gracefully manipulate hook and yarn... then they either give up disgusted and appreciate my talent, or they are 'hooked' and I truly enjoy teaching them more.

As the Animaniacs are fond of saying: The Moral of the Story Is.... don’t discuss Money when someone asks you to crochet for them. Instead, let them buy the yarn and Barter with Time or some service they can do for you.

And if that doesn’t work, teach them to crochet.

© Angela ‘ARNie’ Grabowski 2008. All rights reserved. For more crochet fun, visit ChezCrochet.com
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I can get that at WM for half that much!

My last post discussed what to do if a cherished family member asks you to crochet for them.

Today I discuss a way to be compensated for your work and not offend an acquaintance or co-worker.

"An acquaintance got angry when I asked to be paid for my labor to crochet something for them!"

This is another complaint I’ve heard numerous times.

It’s been my experience that people’s attitudes about Needlework break down into these groups:

• Those who know someone who does needlework or they themselves do a different type of needlework and appreciate the amount of time and energy that goes into the creative process.
• Those who know so many people who do needlework and have seen so many ‘plain old afghans or doilies’ that needlework is common place and worth less than something store bought.
• Those who have never seen someone do needlework, and believes this is just a hobby you do at night in front of the tv; therfore you shouldn't be paid -because this isn't work.

Because of these attitudes, I don’t recommend you try to discuss money for your labor to crochet something.

Let's be honest, trying to charge by the hour can make a piece so expensive that nobody will pay for it. Yet, how do you help someone to understand that despite crochet (or knitting) being a passion and a hobby, stitchting for someone else- on command- makes this work, which demands payment.

Instead of money, I suggest you barter your time and talents for their time and talents.
If the lady at work wants you to crochet baby blankets for her, then estimate the time it will take you and see if she would be willing to spend that same amount of time doing something for you; whatever her hobby/talent is.

Maybe she could bake a dozen loaves of bread for you, or 12 dozen cookies.

Maybe she could babysit for you the number of hours it takes you to crochet her blankets.

OH, and remember: regardless if you want compensation for your labor or not, always, always, always, make the person requesting the project -pay for the yarn. It is your choice whether you keep the leftovers or not- as payment for your time.
Yes, you can barter the yarn for baking ingridients, just make sure you get enough baked goods to cover the cost of the yarn.

Tell the ‘customer’ that they will need to go to the store and buy the yarn they want you to crochet. Give them specifics such as brand names, yarn weights and the amount they will need, but make them actually go out and buy the yarn.

Of course, we know that they will probably look for the yarn, not find all that they need at WM and have to go to HL, Michaels' or ACMoore or Big Lots to find enough to finish their project. The customer will have to invest their hard earned money in that yarn, and most likely, a sizeable chunk of time, and this helps them to understand your time and talent are worth something.

I’ve heard stories where a Spouse asked the crocheter to make a hat for someone at his work. The spouse didn’t ask for any type of compensation, and had only the basic idea of what the co-worker wanted.

If I remember correctly, the poor woman had to make 3 different hats to suit the co-worker and then when she asked the woman to pay for the yarn, the co-worker became irate! One week's worth of stitching and $7 of yarn and the woman thought she was entitled to the hat free of charge!
Oh, the nerve of some people!

In cases like this one, you can respond, "Sure, I’ll crochet a {small project} for them free of charge, but they need to buy XX oz of 'this brand of yarn’ in their choice of color."

The next day, the spouse can say, "My spouse will make the {requested project} for you, if you buy the yarn." This clearly establishes that the customer will need to pay for something, without actually discussing money.

Let your family members know that if they volunteer your services like this, then they will do chores for you while you crochet the project. That is only fair, since you are doing something for them, they must do something for you... yes, even the spouse. This will help your family understand the value of your Time.

If it takes you 2-3 hours to 'whip up' that hat, then they can -for example- clean the house for 2-3 hours.

Now a days, putting a monetary price tag on your work will only insult folks who don't do needlework... you will get that familiar: "Well I could get that same thing at WM for a fraction of what you want!"

When you barter TIME with folks, you force them to to put a price on THEIR time, and if they can't afford the terms, they can bow out gracefully or offer monetary compensation.

Time is money, but it is easier to politely discuss Time, than it is to discuss money.

Tomorrow's subject...Truly annoying, obnoxious and insensitive jerks....

© Angela ‘ARNie’ Grabowski 2008. All rights reserved. For more crochet fun, visit ChezCrochet.com
For a complete list of my Copyright Permissions, please click the link below and then click your browsers Back Button to return here.
http://chezcrochet.com/page9.html